Hymns … the words speak

By Betty Hertz

Recently, I completed the course Meditation Through Hymns. Each day the instructor asked us to read the lyrics of the hymn and reflect on the meaning. Then we read the story about what inspired the author to create it. Next, the instructor read the verse four times.  Each time we listened more deeply, starting with our intelligent ears, then our hearts,  our souls, and finally, more profound listening for God. After this, we wrote a reflection. This process introduced me to a new way to focus on the words. Since hymns have often served as prayers for me, learning this technique provides a more powerful way to pray.

I have sung “Just As I Am” many times and have often experienced the feeling of “Really God, you want me?” However, through meditation, I experienced a deeper meaning. Several phrases turned to soul-searching questions.

One dark blot

 “Just as I am and waiting not, to rid my soul of one dark blot” caused me to ask,” what is a dark blot for me today, and what will I do to cleanse it from my soul?” I have a long way to go to achieve perfection,  so I know I have daily “dark blots.” My job is to recognize them and ask for God’s help in getting rid of them.

Many a doubt, within, without

 “Just as I am, though tossed about with many a conflict and many a doubt, fighting and fears within, without”  raises the question what fear is taking me away from trusting  God? To let go of those fears and doubts, I am reminded of  Isaiah (41:10) and God’s reassurance “Do not be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will help you.”

Relief

“ Just as I am, thou wilt receive, wilt welcome, pardon, cleanse, and relieve; because thy promise I believe.” What a great reminder! When I turn to God, I receive the gifts of pardon, cleansing, and relief, and with that comes the gift of hope.

Humility

The refrain for each verse is “O Lamb of God, I come, I come,” which humbles me before God and assures me He loves me “Just As I Am.”

Patient and Loving God,

Thank you for the messages we receive through the gift of hymns. When we sing the words with conviction, we feel your presence and guidance. May we always sing spiritually.
Amen.

Betty Hertz is a longtime member of St John UMC, a Stephen Minister and a member of SPRC. When not doing volunteer work, she is playing with her three goofy dogs.

Invitation Accepted

By Betty Hertz

A few weeks ago, I attended the city-wide BBQ put on by the Reconciliation Pastors. I used the mixer questions to meet people other than the white people I knew. What fun!! I sang “Amazing Grace” with one of my new friends. Then I sat at a table for lunch with a group from Lighthouse Church. I didn't even know they existed! As we talked, I learned we shared a common concern … caring for the underserved in our community … the homeless, and the hungry.

John Wesley's words came to mind, "Though we cannot think alike, may we not love alike?" Another God "wow" moment and a "Thank you, Jesus" moment. As I left, I saw Pastor Parker and told him I would accept the invitation he gave St. John and would be at Shiloh Baptist Church on Sunday.

I went. For the third time that day, I heard the hymn "Great is thy faithfulness" … message heard!! What a great experience at Shiloh. For 20 minutes, music and "praise God" and "Yes, Jesus" rang through the sanctuary. Then three baptisms happened. Above the sanctuary, a door opened, and a tub of water appeared. One at a time, three people confessed their love of God and were baptized by immersion. WOW! Then Pastor Parker started delivering the message by acknowledging he now knew how to preach under 20 minutes as he had given a sermon at St. John the previous Sunday! He talked about "be who God has called you to be." Sound familiar? I know I have heard Andy say those words more than once. Pastor Parker's message from Proverbs 3-5-6: Full throttle until you see the Lord, then brake and hear his word. Then use the green light to spread his word. His question: Are you sitting at the green light but not stepping out?

I plan to visit Shiloh about once a month to feel the congregation's energy, and who knows, maybe I will stand and shout AMEN during a St John sermon!

Loving God,

Thank you for opening my eyes and my ears to other Christians who share a common love of you and share a common love of neighbor. Help me to keep my heart open to ways that I may love and serve you.

Amen.

Betty Hertz is a longtime member of St John UMC, a Stephen Minister and a member of SPRC. When not doing volunteer work, she is playing with her three goofy dogs.

Here Am I

By Betty Hertz

Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying,

“Whom shall I send?”

And I said, “Here am I; send me!”

Isaiah 6:8

This verse inspired the hymn “Here I am Lord.” Isaiah is answering God’s call to serve even before he knew what that service would be. He shows complete trust the Lord will guide him.

Recently I pondered the chaos in my life. Feeling exhausted and stressed, I visited the St. John prayer room, which I have recently renamed the healing room. I collapsed in the rocking chair and focused on the beautiful cross and, with a huge sigh, said, “Here I am, Lord.” I began to feel a calming presence as I surrendered and decided all would be well. But God had other ideas. So I decided to look at the hymn by that title. As I was singing the hymn, my soul responded to part of the first verse:

“I who make the stars of night

I will make their darkness bright

who will bear my light to them?”

Then as I continued to sing, a part of the refrain caught my attention:

“ I heard you calling in the night.

I will go, Lord, if you lead me.”

My words “here I am Lord” took on a new meaning. Wow, not enough to say here I am but then be reminded the Lord will lead me. The chaotic events remain, but God took my stress and gave me peace.

As I travel to visit a family member who is under Hospice care, I will continue to ask God to give me reminders that He is leading me and will provide me with the words I need.

Patient Father,

Thank you for your calming presence in my life. Thank you for the many times you have helped me surrender to your plan. I know you will continue to guide me if I allow you. In Jesus’ name and through the Holy Spirit. Amen

Betty Hertz is a longtime member of St John UMC, a Stephen Minister and a member of SPRC. When not doing volunteer work, she is playing with her three goofy dogs.

'We are a both/and people'

True devotion, the kind that is pure and faultless before God the Father, is this: to care for orphans and widows in their difficulties and to keep the world from contaminating us. - James 1:27

By Erynne DeVore

It has been really fun to see so many of you (well, see your eyes above those masks!) as you’ve come into St. John for worship the last few weeks. I think it goes without saying that there is certainly something about being in person that feeds our souls in ways virtual experiences can’t. One may or may not necessarily be better or worse than another; they’re just different.

For those of you who don’t know me, I was lucky enough to work with the kiddos and families at St. John for nearly four years and served as a part-time employee and volunteer for years before that. In December I resigned in order to attend an accelerated nursing program. Nursing was something that I was always equally both intrigued and intimidated by. I loved the relationship building, advocacy, education, and caring for the vulnerable that ministry entailed, and for a long time I considered a few career paths (ministry, counseling, law, nursing …) that would encompass those, and for many reasons ultimately settled on nursing. One of the things that appealed to me about nursing was it not only incorporated the things I just mentioned, but has clear evidence-based practices with a commitment to continually research and potentially change practices based off of that research. (What can I say, having clear protocols serves my anxious oldest child type A personality). Nursing has what brings fulfillment and joy to my soul, and satisfaction to my brain and professional being. Both/and.

It seems like we are in a similar both/and space right now. We need the in-person connection and relationship building that being in community brings, and we need to stay safe from COVID-19 with evidence-based practices. We know more than we did 19 months ago when this nightmare began, but we still don’t know enough for many of us to feel safe trusting the recommended practices. I get it. It’s a scary time, and we are still processing the trauma from the beginning of the pandemic. Two things stand out to me when thinking about this:

One, our society is so quick to rush back to “normal.” Again, I get it. We know normal. Normal feels safe. But if we don’t process and heal emotionally from the trauma of not knowing if any of us were safe or would live through this pandemic, while trying to homeschool and learn Zoom and pay the bills, we will not be able to connect in the way that our very beings are designed to connect. It is our job as Jesus followers to recognize the outside world’s desire to go back to “normal”, and to challenge it. Was it really that normal to begin with? What did we learn from the pandemic? Let’s not forget it.

Second, while the practices will evolve as science and research evolves, we have a pretty good idea of what will help. Hand washing. Masks. Staying home while sick. Vaccines. It is with trusting that science, trusting my research, and trusting health experts more educated than I that I am incredibly anxious to be able to get my children vaccinated. Additionally, I was able to participate in vaccine clinics as a part of my nursing clinical hours. They have been my very favorite clinical experiences so far. It was the both/and of nursing for me. When the vaccines first were being discussed, I was extremely hesitant. I did not want to be a guinea pig, and even more than that, I did not want my children to be guinea pigs. Luckily, research tells us we are not guinea pigs. The vaccine is the strongest tool in our tool box that will help us get back to the good, connecting, in person, pre-COVID normal. (And let’s work together to dismantle the power imbalances that were highlighted during 2020 to make sure those things are never considered normal again.)

We are a both/and people. We need each other, in person. It is important to our mental, emotional, and spiritual health. And, we need to keep ourselves and our children and each other safe from this virus that does not discriminate. We have the tools to do both, and thank God for that.

Contact Erynne at edevore1@uprovidence.edu

St. John Disability Awareness Meditation

By Mary Alice Donaldson

“The best lives are riddled with ambiguities and lined with shadows. Each of them is a story about grace. To tell our own stories as stories about grace rather than stories about success or failure is to tell them more truly. That truth can set us free.”

Word by Word - Marilyn McEntyre

For a number of years I have been trying to write the story of my sister Elizabeth’s life and its impact on mine and all who knew her.

When Elizabeth was born with Down syndrome in 1957, the prognosis given to our parents was quite grim, “she may never sit up, walk or talk,” with the advice to immediately put her on our state institution’s wait list. The doctors were unable to give any words of hope to my parents.

The contrast between my birth at Johns Hopkins four years earlier where my mom was a beloved medical social worker was stark. Our mom was given medicine to stop her milk without her permission. Elizabeth was not brought to her room following delivery for over 24 hours. Elizabeth had no health issues, just that troubling extra chromosome.

Years later when my mom was reflecting on that first week of Elizabeth’s life in the hospital, she shared that in a phone conversation with me I had asked for mom to “give Elizabeth a kiss from me.” Mom was shocked to realize that she had not yet kissed Elizabeth. She quickly rectified that … and believe me when I say that Elizabeth then received more hugs and kisses daily than many people receive in a lifetime.

How does one measure a life well lived?

Elizabeth exceeded all expectations.

She shared a compliment or kind word in every conversation … ask my husband about her affirmation of his ability to push the button to open the garage from the car … we still smile at that memory. She learned to bake bread and help prepare meals, drew wonderful pictures and wrote frequent letters, participated in the Special Olympics (running, skiing and bowling) and was a meticulous and diligent employee in three sheltered workshops. Elizabeth loved to square dance, studied the snare drum, sang in choirs, volunteered in her church nursery and especially adored her nephew and niece. How she would have loved to have held their children.

During the last four years of Elizabeth’s life, she experienced a rapid decline with early onset Alzheimer’s. Frequent and severe seizures tapped her strength. During her final three weeks on our planet, our daughter, Annie, flew to Pittsburgh from Alaska to assist me in providing care to Elizabeth in our home with hospice support. Over and over again as we were caring for her needs, Elizabeth would whisper, “I love you, Thank you, Kiss me.”

Throughout my sister’s 56 years, her pastors and Sunday school teachers became dearest and lifelong friends. Elizabeth’s memorial service in 2012 was packed with folks who had known and loved Elizabeth for decades. All those gathered sang her favorite hymns. Three pastors gave tributes through cascading tears. Her Bible was well worn. She left notebooks full of scripture verses that she had carefully copied. After the service, a lovely young woman who had grown up in our church sought me out and said with regret, “I wish I had gotten to know Elizabeth better.”

Our son, Loy, has worked with the life skills class at Service High School for over 14 years. I delight in hearing about the incredible partner’s club, wheelchair soccer, basketball and the exuberant participation in the Special Olympics Polar Plunge. Aunt Elizabeth had a significant impact on our son’s life.

Remember to not dismiss someone who seems limited by a perceived disability … their gifts to you may be life changing if you just take the time to truly get to know their hearts.

Mary Alice Donaldson and her husband David are retired longtime Anchorage School District music teachers who remain active playing their instruments in our community. They renewed their membership to St. John in 2015. maryalicedonaldson@gmail.com