13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
- Psalm 139:13-15
I just returned from 11 weeks in Albuquerque, where we have a condo and an adorable toddler grandson. Our nondescript front porch needed brightening, so at Costco I bought a geranium and a lavender plant. They looked vibrant for a few days on the steps, but soon the lavender began to wilt in the desert heat. Ultimately I brought it indoors, found a spot it liked and it flourished.
According to their tags, both plants required the same conditions: bright sunlight, good drainage, moderate watering. But they clearly demonstrated otherwise. One blazed happily with only a hint of care. The other required that I pay attention and figure out what was needed for it to grow.
So it is with us, God’s children. Our tags indicate we all need essentially the same care: food, water, air, safety, nurturing. Some of us thrive with the basics and don’t need much more. Some of us - that would be me I’m talking about - wilt without attention. We need … more.
Scholars can point to potential reasons for these differences, just as a botanist could tell me why my lavender drooped. But it doesn’t change the fact that some of God’s creation need … more.
My “more”? I need praise. I need validation. I need confirmation that I’m doing or being the right thing. Maybe I didn’t get enough growing up, or maybe that’s just the way I’m put together. I just know I’m a healthier person - more connected to the kingdom of God - when I receive encouragement and affirmation.
So I know that about myself. But how do I figure out if others need more - and if they do, what their “more” is? As with the lavender, how do I help folks find the place that makes them flourish? Pastor Autumn Krueger said it beautifully: “Am I truly loving my neighbor? What does it actually look like?”
Undoubtedly it will differ from person to person. While my husband appreciates thanks, for instance, he doesn’t crave praise. He does, though, need time by himself outdoors to relax and recharge. A friend shrinks from praise but is uneasy if we’re out of touch, so I try hard to stay connected. But what about others I don’t know as well?
I almost stopped writing this because I couldn’t come up with an answer. Short of asking people what they need - not necessarily a bad idea but a little clunky, or becoming a psychoanalyst at 62 - it’s hard to divine what “more” I can offer others, so that they may remember they are “fearfully and wonderfully made.”
Rather than an answer, I’ve become okay with living the question now, as poet Rilke said, and starting with what I do know. And that is that if I recognize I’m in need of “more,” I know others might be as well. Then to ask myself, What does that other person need?; “what does it actually look like?” And hardest of all, I know to wait, listen and watch for an answer. If I can do that, I may discover what my sisters and brothers need to bask more fully in God’s love--then do my best to deliver it.
Loving God – Help us discover how to bask in your love. Amen
Connie Quinley and her husband, John, grew up in southern California and moved to Kenai in 1981. They joined SJUMC in 1985 after moving to Anchorage. Their two grown children, Elizabeth and Nathaniel, grew up in the church and now live in Albuquerque, NM, and Anchorage, respectively. When they’re not doting on grandson Jacob, born a year ago to Elizabeth and her husband, John, they attend the 9:15 a.m. service, help with Wednesday Night Suppers and fill in around the edges.