Here Am I

Star in window

By Betty Hertz

Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying,

“Whom shall I send?”

And I said, “Here am I; send me!”

Isaiah 6:8

This verse inspired the hymn “Here I am Lord.” Isaiah is answering God’s call to serve even before he knew what that service would be. He shows complete trust the Lord will guide him.

Recently I pondered the chaos in my life. Feeling exhausted and stressed, I visited the St. John prayer room, which I have recently renamed the healing room. I collapsed in the rocking chair and focused on the beautiful cross and, with a huge sigh, said, “Here I am, Lord.” I began to feel a calming presence as I surrendered and decided all would be well. But God had other ideas. So I decided to look at the hymn by that title. As I was singing the hymn, my soul responded to part of the first verse:

“I who make the stars of night

I will make their darkness bright

who will bear my light to them?”

Then as I continued to sing, a part of the refrain caught my attention:

“ I heard you calling in the night.

I will go, Lord, if you lead me.”

My words “here I am Lord” took on a new meaning. Wow, not enough to say here I am but then be reminded the Lord will lead me. The chaotic events remain, but God took my stress and gave me peace.

As I travel to visit a family member who is under Hospice care, I will continue to ask God to give me reminders that He is leading me and will provide me with the words I need.

Patient Father,

Thank you for your calming presence in my life. Thank you for the many times you have helped me surrender to your plan. I know you will continue to guide me if I allow you. In Jesus’ name and through the Holy Spirit. Amen

Betty Hertz is a longtime member of St John UMC, a Stephen Minister and a member of SPRC. When not doing volunteer work, she is playing with her three goofy dogs.

'We are a both/and people'

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True devotion, the kind that is pure and faultless before God the Father, is this: to care for orphans and widows in their difficulties and to keep the world from contaminating us. - James 1:27

By Erynne DeVore

It has been really fun to see so many of you (well, see your eyes above those masks!) as you’ve come into St. John for worship the last few weeks. I think it goes without saying that there is certainly something about being in person that feeds our souls in ways virtual experiences can’t. One may or may not necessarily be better or worse than another; they’re just different.

For those of you who don’t know me, I was lucky enough to work with the kiddos and families at St. John for nearly four years and served as a part-time employee and volunteer for years before that. In December I resigned in order to attend an accelerated nursing program. Nursing was something that I was always equally both intrigued and intimidated by. I loved the relationship building, advocacy, education, and caring for the vulnerable that ministry entailed, and for a long time I considered a few career paths (ministry, counseling, law, nursing …) that would encompass those, and for many reasons ultimately settled on nursing. One of the things that appealed to me about nursing was it not only incorporated the things I just mentioned, but has clear evidence-based practices with a commitment to continually research and potentially change practices based off of that research. (What can I say, having clear protocols serves my anxious oldest child type A personality). Nursing has what brings fulfillment and joy to my soul, and satisfaction to my brain and professional being. Both/and.

It seems like we are in a similar both/and space right now. We need the in-person connection and relationship building that being in community brings, and we need to stay safe from COVID-19 with evidence-based practices. We know more than we did 19 months ago when this nightmare began, but we still don’t know enough for many of us to feel safe trusting the recommended practices. I get it. It’s a scary time, and we are still processing the trauma from the beginning of the pandemic. Two things stand out to me when thinking about this:

One, our society is so quick to rush back to “normal.” Again, I get it. We know normal. Normal feels safe. But if we don’t process and heal emotionally from the trauma of not knowing if any of us were safe or would live through this pandemic, while trying to homeschool and learn Zoom and pay the bills, we will not be able to connect in the way that our very beings are designed to connect. It is our job as Jesus followers to recognize the outside world’s desire to go back to “normal”, and to challenge it. Was it really that normal to begin with? What did we learn from the pandemic? Let’s not forget it.

Second, while the practices will evolve as science and research evolves, we have a pretty good idea of what will help. Hand washing. Masks. Staying home while sick. Vaccines. It is with trusting that science, trusting my research, and trusting health experts more educated than I that I am incredibly anxious to be able to get my children vaccinated. Additionally, I was able to participate in vaccine clinics as a part of my nursing clinical hours. They have been my very favorite clinical experiences so far. It was the both/and of nursing for me. When the vaccines first were being discussed, I was extremely hesitant. I did not want to be a guinea pig, and even more than that, I did not want my children to be guinea pigs. Luckily, research tells us we are not guinea pigs. The vaccine is the strongest tool in our tool box that will help us get back to the good, connecting, in person, pre-COVID normal. (And let’s work together to dismantle the power imbalances that were highlighted during 2020 to make sure those things are never considered normal again.)

We are a both/and people. We need each other, in person. It is important to our mental, emotional, and spiritual health. And, we need to keep ourselves and our children and each other safe from this virus that does not discriminate. We have the tools to do both, and thank God for that.

Contact Erynne at edevore1@uprovidence.edu

St. John Disability Awareness Meditation

By Mary Alice Donaldson

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Elizabeth & Mary Alice

“The best lives are riddled with ambiguities and lined with shadows. Each of them is a story about grace. To tell our own stories as stories about grace rather than stories about success or failure is to tell them more truly. That truth can set us free.”

Word by Word - Marilyn McEntyre

For a number of years I have been trying to write the story of my sister Elizabeth’s life and its impact on mine and all who knew her.

When Elizabeth was born with Down syndrome in 1957, the prognosis given to our parents was quite grim, “she may never sit up, walk or talk,” with the advice to immediately put her on our state institution’s wait list. The doctors were unable to give any words of hope to my parents.

Elizabeth kiss

The contrast between my birth at Johns Hopkins four years earlier where my mom was a beloved medical social worker was stark. Our mom was given medicine to stop her milk without her permission. Elizabeth was not brought to her room following delivery for over 24 hours. Elizabeth had no health issues, just that troubling extra chromosome.

Years later when my mom was reflecting on that first week of Elizabeth’s life in the hospital, she shared that in a phone conversation with me I had asked for mom to “give Elizabeth a kiss from me.” Mom was shocked to realize that she had not yet kissed Elizabeth. She quickly rectified that … and believe me when I say that Elizabeth then received more hugs and kisses daily than many people receive in a lifetime.

How does one measure a life well lived?

Elizabeth exceeded all expectations.

She shared a compliment or kind word in every conversation … ask my husband about her affirmation of his ability to push the button to open the garage from the car … we still smile at that memory. She learned to bake bread and help prepare meals, drew wonderful pictures and wrote frequent letters, participated in the Special Olympics (running, skiing and bowling) and was a meticulous and diligent employee in three sheltered workshops. Elizabeth loved to square dance, studied the snare drum, sang in choirs, volunteered in her church nursery and especially adored her nephew and niece. How she would have loved to have held their children.

During the last four years of Elizabeth’s life, she experienced a rapid decline with early onset Alzheimer’s. Frequent and severe seizures tapped her strength. During her final three weeks on our planet, our daughter, Annie, flew to Pittsburgh from Alaska to assist me in providing care to Elizabeth in our home with hospice support. Over and over again as we were caring for her needs, Elizabeth would whisper, “I love you, Thank you, Kiss me.”

Throughout my sister’s 56 years, her pastors and Sunday school teachers became dearest and lifelong friends. Elizabeth’s memorial service in 2012 was packed with folks who had known and loved Elizabeth for decades. All those gathered sang her favorite hymns. Three pastors gave tributes through cascading tears. Her Bible was well worn. She left notebooks full of scripture verses that she had carefully copied. After the service, a lovely young woman who had grown up in our church sought me out and said with regret, “I wish I had gotten to know Elizabeth better.”

Our son, Loy, has worked with the life skills class at Service High School for over 14 years. I delight in hearing about the incredible partner’s club, wheelchair soccer, basketball and the exuberant participation in the Special Olympics Polar Plunge. Aunt Elizabeth had a significant impact on our son’s life.

Remember to not dismiss someone who seems limited by a perceived disability … their gifts to you may be life changing if you just take the time to truly get to know their hearts.

Mary Alice Donaldson and her husband David are retired longtime Anchorage School District music teachers who remain active playing their instruments in our community. They renewed their membership to St. John in 2015. maryalicedonaldson@gmail.com

More nudges from God

By Betty Hertz

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I participated in the 20-day Reconciliation Community Challenge in April. All the sessions were informative, but the one presented by Pastor Parker entitled "I want to be an antiracist" has been simmering in my mind and my soul. I thought not being a racist was the same as being an antiracist. In his message, Pastor Parker said, "antiracist is when people actively seek not only to raise awareness but turn awareness into action." While increasing my awareness of my racism, I feel God nudging me to act. 

 Not one to let me rest for long, God tapped me on the shoulder as I worked on an assignment for the Leading Public Prayer class. The project was to write a lament about a local church or community issue, referring to Psalms as examples of laments. Immediately the brokenness of the Anchorage community came to mind, as did the words from Pastor Parker.

I also discovered I still held anger over a past racist event. I was with a friend when she shouted: "get a job" to a homeless person! I didn't do or say anything that day. I hid my shame and anger. Today I believe I would reach out to the homeless person with compassion, and I would share my disapproval of my friend's actions. Thinking about Pastor Parker's message and about that past incident, I wrote this lament.

A Lament for a Broken Community

God of all humanity,
You created all in your image
Your steadfast love sustains us.

We turn to you as we experience the hate in our community.
The division is deep. 
We suffer with the homeless
who can't find housing or mental health assistance. 
Our hearts are heavy, and we feel powerless to understand those who
don't show compassion and don't want to work together.

Where are you, God? How long must the division go on?
The comfortable shout angrily at the less fortunate.

Silence those who cry out, "Get a job!"
Stop the "not in my neighborhood" mentality.

Great Healer,
We know You will continue to guide us.
We know You will teach us how to be reconcilers.
Thanks be to you, O, God!

Betty Hertz is a longtime member of St John UMC, a Stephen Minister and a member of SPRC. When not doing volunteer work, she is playing with her three goofy dogs.

Reflection: The Holy Meal

By Betty Hertz

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Our monthly communion observance will be happening on Sunday. Have you thought about the words of the service, or do you find yourself just saying the words? I've experienced it both ways. Recently, I took a Be A Disciple course, "Come to the Table." I don't think I can view the sacrament casually anymore.

What changed? As I looked at all parts of the communion service, I learned the significance of each element. I learned the table is God's table with God as the host, we are the community, and the minister is the presider. Communion is more than the Last Supper and Christ's sacrifice; he shared meals with disciples often. The Holy Meal provides a reminder of all those times.

In talking with Pastor Emily, she shared that the Great Thanksgiving is an extended prayer to God. As I read through it, I asked, "How have I missed that?" Some phrases that reminded me are:

"You have formed us in your image."

"Your love remained steadfast."

"You delivered us from captivity."

"We praise Your name."

"by Your Spirit make us one with Christ."

I also learned that if I view communion through the presider's actions, four physical acts are performed: taking, blessing, breaking, and sharing. I haven't thought about the significance of those motions that our pastor goes through. Taking the elements from the table, blessing them, breaking the bread, and sharing the elements as we read the words of the Great Thanksgiving remind me of the hymn “One Bread, One Body” (UMH, p.620):

One bread, one body, one Lord of all,

One cup of blessing which we bless.

And we, though many throughout the earth,

We are one body in this one Lord.

Heavenly Father,

Thank you for welcoming all to participate in The Holy Meal. Help me to grow in my journey with you by being more centered on this gift of bread and vine. In Jesus' name. Amen

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Betty Hertz is a longtime member of St John UMC, a Stephen Minister and a member of SPRC. When not doing volunteer work, she is playing with her three goofy dogs.