On Talking to Children about Race
Like many of you, I am discerning how to equip and teach my children to be anti-racist, specifically as people of faith. I have compiled a list of resources that I have found helpful, but first I would like to make a few things clear:
1. I am not an expert on talking about race. I am educating myself right now.
2. I am so sorry that I have failed to educate or say enough before now. I apologize for the role my silence has played in the systemic oppression of black people and people of color, and for failing to understand that "not being racist" and telling my children "God loves everybody" is not enough. I recognize that being warm and welcoming to every child of God is far too low a bar to have for myself, and our black brothers and sisters need and deserve more than that. They need our advocacy, change, action, and true empathy.
3. As a white woman, I recognize my privilege. I understand that it is my job to use my privilege to elevate those voices that aren't heard, and that we desperately need.
4. That does not mean asking people of color (POC) for resources, their opinions, or to educate us more than they already have. If you have ever had to explain your own trauma/pain to someone who will never be able to firsthand understand it, I think you will appreciate why it is unfair to and exhausting for POC to have to continually educate white people. There are a lot of good resources out there for white people to start.
5. As a spiritual leader, I understand it is my job to equip parents to be the spiritual leaders of their own homes. I am passionate about this and take this responsibility seriously.
6. It is never too early to talk to your children about race. You do not have to be an expert on race, or any other tough topic, to have these conversations with your children. Some of this looks like what a lot of us have already been doing - acknowledging our differences with other people, pointing out our similarities, buying toys with different skin colors. Some of this looks like having tougher conversations with slightly older children about racism and racial violence, that I personally have not done as good a job of doing. The conversation about race and inclusivity starts as young as babies, but some of us have children a little older and that conversation needs to turn into anti-racism.
7. It is OK to admit to your children that you are still learning, and you might make mistakes. They will feel safe to make their own, when you do. It will give you an opportunity to model what to do when you make mistakes, especially if those mistakes hurt people.
8. You know your children best. I have one child I can have very frank, candid, and open conversations with about anything. I have one child who is deeply empathetic and very sensitive. While race and inclusivity have been ongoing conversations in our home, racial violence has not, and I will have to be careful not to overwhelm her all at once with tough conversations. This list is not intended to be a week, or two week, intensive course on racism. This is a starting point for a lifetime of conversations and hopefully, activism.
9. I know sometimes children's frankness and unfiltered honesty can be surprising and uncomfortable. Try not to shush your children when they have uncomfortable questions or speak about race. You want this to be a conversation that you can sustain over their childhood.
10. As people of faith, we are called to stand up for the oppressed. We need to do this now, we should have done this yesterday. That said, you cannot heal the world if you yourself, are not healed. Please take care of yourself. Healing of the world starts in the home, which starts with safe, healed, healthy parents. Take a walk, take a bath, make yourself your favorite breakfast, schedule a therapy appointment, call me if you would like to chat, text a friend - do (or don't do, maybe nap instead) what you need to do to feel loved - because you are. You are a beloved child of God.
Remember if you are on a desktop and/or do not have an instagram account, some of these links will not be direct or work exactly right. You can still look at someone's instagram account on a desktop but you need an account to follow and engage, and instagram is designed to be looked at on an app on your phone.
Click here for a list of resources from Pretty Good Designs. Podcasts, books, toys, etc. for children and their parents.
Click here to email me for a "Black Lives Matter" printable coloring page from Global Kids Ministries.
Click here to be taken to the "Social Issues" section of A Mighty Girl website. You can sort through books on topic, by age, etc. It is one of my favorite websites as a parent.
Click here for the Amazon link to the children's book God's Big Plan, a lovely book on God's plan for diversity.
Click here for the Amazon link to the children's book Not My Idea: A Book About Whiteness.
Click here for a list of 31 Children's Books on Race. My children and I will be listening to Something Happened in our Town on the Audible App, this week.
Click here to follow Black Christian, anti-racist, author and leader Osheta Moore on Instagram. Her work is geared towards adults, but I have found it very enlightening as I've lead conversations with my children. Her recent post on June 1 "Breath Prayers: Jesus...Help me be brave" I found deeply meaningful.
Click here for a list of anti-racism resources for white parents compiled by Sarah Sophie Flicker and Alyssa Klein. Sent in by St. John parent and local nurse, Sarah Llewellyn.
Click here for Black Lives Matter K-8 distance learning resources, including coloring pages. Sent in by St. John parent and local nurse, Sarah Llewellyn.
Many of the resources I list below came from the Instagram Page sexpositive_families. I am passionate about having conversations around healthy sexuality and body positivity with my children. I am now recognizing that there is a huge intersection with racial equality and these topics that I have been missing.
Click here to be taken to the website Raising Race Conscious Children. From their intro: "Welcome to Raising Race Conscious Children, a resource to support adults who are trying to talk about race with young children. The goals of these conversations are to dismantle the color-blind framework and prepare young people to work toward racial justice..."
Click here to be taken to the website Teaching for Change. It is geared towards educators, but there are lots of resources for us parents who are our own educators as well.
Click here to follow the instagram page The Conscious Kid: Parenting and Education through a Critical Race Lens.
As we look forward into the future of this being an ongoing conversation and working point of our discipleship, I will be discerning what a parents group might look like for parents to discuss with each other how they are teaching their children about racism. If you are interested in being a part of the leadership for this potential group, please let me know. You do not have to be an expert on racism. A passion for God, equality, dismantling white supremacy, and parenting are all you need!
If you would like a starting point for a simple prayer for your family, feel free to use (as much or as little) of this one I wrote for you:
Dear God,
We thank you for all of Your children. That is ALL of us! We feel sad when we hear about black or brown people not being treated with love and kindness. We feel nervous when we don't know what to do to help. Please guide us, God. Help us know how to help. We are thankful for how you remind us to be a good friend to everyone. We want people of color to be safe. We know you are the safest Love there is in our world, and we want everyone to feel Your Love. Help ALL of us to feel Your Love. Help us show Your Love to everyone, no matter what they look like, sound like, or live! In Jesus' Name, Amen.
~ Erynne DeVore, director of Children’s Ministry