Dear Younger Me: Where do I start; if I could tell you everything that I have learned so far? Then you could be, one step ahead, of all the painful memories still running thru my head. I wonder how much different things would be?” Christian Singers/Songwriters ‘Mercy Me’
Last month, I traveled to Illinois to visit my ill father and to celebrate my mother’s 81st birthday. I had to plan for a COVID test so as to be admitted back into Alaska. I searched for any available appointments on the day that I wanted to test. I found one. My mom asked where the site was located, and I said off Stevenson Drive in Springfield. She said, “Now Ricky (note – only my mother is allowed to call me Ricky), you know that’s where all the Blacks live. It’s dangerous there. I’ll worry about you.” I cringed. And not just because I’m 58 and my mother is still worried about me. Her words were, on the surface, factual. There are a lot of Black people in that particular area of the city and there is a lot of crime in that part of town. She did not use any racial slur. Still, the bias was obvious.
I had an exchange with the pastors recently. I commented that we have enjoyed being part of an inclusive church. Admittedly, our last Methodist church in Texas was not as inclusive. We enjoyed the church, the fantastic music program and the positive, uplifting messages. I was aware that this particular church was against gay marriage though I can remember no time where such was the subject of a sermon or newsletter. Our own view was not to dictate love and marriage; perhaps this is why we felt so comfortable after joining St. John. After a couple years here, we feel more connected and more aware of LGBTQ+ discrimination and their respective rights. The fact that we are more aware and sensitive now, does not mean that we were ever homophobic in our past. Nothing could be further from the truth.
I also mentioned how I was touched by the Me Too movement. So much came to light as individuals were rightly made to answer for abuses against women. I learned a lot during those investigations and during the movement itself. I became more aware of how women, particularly those in the workplace, have been marginalized, discriminated against or worse. The fact that I am more aware and sensitive now does not mean that I was ever an abuser of women in my past. Nothing could be further from the truth.
After the deaths of innocent Black men, and the resulting movement of Black Lives Matter and other initiatives to curb racism in our country, I again learned much. I’ve shared some of what I’ve learned with the congregation through my devotionals and I’ve been vulnerable in sharing my sincere efforts to eliminate favoritism or bias from my life. I continue to work to be the best person that I’m capable of being. I hope this sharing has been viewed as useful and encouraging to you. But, unlike other movements mentioned, improving oneself and encouraging others to do the same, doesn’t seem to be enough. The shouts and the name calling from the media and, frankly, from within the church, to denounce our past, our families and/or take responsibility for atrocities from hundreds of years ago weigh heavy on me. I don’t feel encouraged to be better. Despite feeling that I’m at least a decent human being, I feel like I’m being scolded.
I think back to the conversation with my mom. She’s not that well and she likely doesn’t have much time left. I chose not to correct, or debate, the bias that was so apparent. I love my mom. She’s a good person, a Christian, and she’s done much for many over the years. I don’t see the point in creating a rift at this stage of the game. There is little to be gained. I use this as an example, but the point is that there is much that I’d like to tell my younger self. But I wonder what might be lost if such was possible. From my mistakes have come some of the most valuable lessons of my life. From the time we are born, there’s a journey we must all undertake. It’s colorful. It’s not always perfect. “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! … " Isaiah 43:18-19. I repent of my past sins. The love of Christ and the grace of God reminds me to look forward and to grow in His Spirit. And that’s what I intend to keep doing.
I’m saddened that I find myself searching out the messages of other online churches. There are many areas where I want to grow as a person and as a Christian. Eliminating any racial bias in my life is but one, though very important, area. I remain hopeful that, together, we will all find a way to help and encourage one another, always inspiring one another, to live life in a Christ-pleasing way. At the same time, I pray that in doing so, we can avoid the expansion of an ever-deepening divide. I’m reminded of a quote by Warren Wiersbe: “You and I cannot change the world around us. But we can change and control the world within us.” Let us work to that end. And let’s celebrate our small successes along the way. Like a team.
“You are holy, you are righteous, you are one of the redeemed! Set apart, a brand-new heart, you are free indeed!” Christian singers/songwriters ‘Mercy Me’.
Heavenly Father, in some ways, we’ve come so far; in other ways, we have so much further to go. You’ve instructed us to leave the past behind. Help us to remember that encouragement is a powerful motivator. Let’s distribute it in generous proportions. As we move ever-forward, let our actions inspire. Let our words lend comfort. Let us not turn Christian upon Christian. Rather, let us band together to be an ever-stronger force for Your good. In your Son’s name we pray, Amen.
Rick Meidel, his wife Natalie and daughter Sarah have attended St. John UMC since 2018. Rick can be reached at meidy@me.com or 832-418-9200.